Shrinking
by SparkleLiv
Summary: Betsie joined Waterloo Road in year 8 as a sociable, and hardworking girl, filled with secrets. But will this perfectionist ever lose control?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story was first published over a year ago, as 'Behind the Fragile Mask' but I've rewritten it, with some change in the plot line and a name change of the main character. I'd love to read any reviews or ideas, and I always consider reviews when I'm writing, so I may even change a plot line just for you! I really hope you enjoy my little story x

_**Disclaimer:**__ All characters and settings belong to Shed Production and Acorn Media.  
Any non Waterloo Road characters are mine, and I love them very dearly, so please don't steal them. I wouldn't hurt the people you love, so please be nice.  
__**Trigger warnings:**__ This story could be a slight trigger in eating disorders, and may contain descriptions of past abuse later on in the story. It also contains brief, non detailed description of purging, so emetophobics beware. (I also have emetophobia, so it won't ever be graphic at all.)_

_Waking up is the worst part of the day. It's the moment you realise that everything's exactly the same as it was when you fell asleep; you're still trapped, in the same disgusting body. I'm not sure when beauty became a synonym for skinny, but it most certainly is now._

The scream of an alarm clock pierced the morning calm, before prising a stony faced teenager from their bed. Her slight frame wandered across the room, towards a full length mirror, where the dewy eyed face deflated with disgust.  
"Bets, are you up?! I'm leaving for work now, but I've left your porridge on the side, remember your coursework, and have a lovely day!"  
"Thank you, see you later."  
As the front door clicked shut Betsie plodded downstairs and out the back door, where she decorated next door's rose bush in porridge and orange juice. Betsie seized a diet coke from the fridge, and hurriedly left for school.

"Right everyone, quieten down, quieten down. I trust you all had a good holiday, and are dying to get back to some hard work?"  
Her enthusiasm wasted, Miss Campbell sat to take the register.  
"Before I let you all go, I just want to emphasise that this is your final year as high school student. Yes, some of you might choose to stay on here for another 2 years, but every single one of you needs to make the most of the time you've got left. I'm not blind in knowing that you'll be wanting to enjoy every second, but at times, this year might be really stressful, and you need to be aware that all teachers will be on hand if you need us for anything at all."  
The bell rang for first lesson, and the pack of teenagers slowly filtered from the room.

Betsie's first lesson was English with Miss Boston. Nikki had known her since she arrived at the school, as a scrawny yet moon faced 12 year old, who enrolled only in year 8. Betsie never struggled to make friends due to her chatty and approachable nature, this made her one of the most loved girls in her year. It was no secret that she had moved to the town for a fresh start, with only her mother, but aside from Miss Campbell, only Miss Boston knew why.  
Nikki allowed her class to settle before standing over them with her authoritative gaze.  
"Has everyone brought their coursework?" Miss Boston's blunt tone lead to half of the pupil's heads to sink, and the remainder to scrabble inside scruffy bags, to retrieve crumpled sheets of illegible scrawlings. Betsie modestly placed her coursework on her desk, with uniform handwriting, and no mistakes in sight, she seemed the perfect student.  
As the lesson drew to a close, the class was given an assessed task on the themes of discrimination in 'Of Mice and Men.' The unassuming girl's stomach began to growl in protest of it's malnutrition, before the entire class erupted in a fit of giggles. Eyes turned to Betsie as her stomach sang away, even Miss Boston struggled to suppress a smirk.  
Another bell signalled the end of their lesson, and the class was dismissed.  
"Betsie, make sure you eat before my next lesson, I don't want your digestive system causing anymore disruption, okay?" Nikki joked as she followed the pupils out of her room.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This chapter's a really short one, but the next few will have a lot going on, I just needed to set the scene a little bit before I really get into the story. I hope everyone's enjoying it so far!

_I feel so positive about everything! I did my measurements and weight last night, and I've lost 4 more pounds! If I can keep this up, I should reach my goal weight before my birthday and everyone will be so jealous._

Betsie's mum spent most weekends away working, this left her with complete freedom. After spending the entire day exercising, having consumed only two cans of diet coke, she eventually flopped onto the sofa and slept. After half an hour Betsie was abruptly woken by her phone causing a small earthquake as she received the usual interrogatory phone call from her Mother.  
"Have you done all of your work yet?"  
"Yes."  
"Have you had lunch yet?"  
"Yes."  
"Have you fed the fish yet?"  
"Yes."  
The one way conversation continued for another 10 minutes, until Betsie's mum was satisfied that her little angel was not sat in her underwear, smoking pot, playing video games and eating pizza. Bets eventually sidled into the kitchen where she prepared a cheese sandwich, carefully littering the worktop with crumbs. The gaunt figure proceeded to take the meal into the garden where she topped Friday's porridge with her sandwich.  
Betsie wandered back into the house, pulling her body upstairs, to the bathroom. She peeled off every item of clothing, and warily stepped onto the scales.

_Too high, the number's too high. After all this work, it's all been wasted and I'm still as huge as I was yesterday. I'm starting to doubt whether it's worth it anymore, for a second I wonder if I should just give up and face the fact that I'll die this fat. I know not to be so stupid though, I know that I can't die like this, there wouldn't be a coffin big enough for me._


	3. Chapter 3

_School is such a waste of time, I spend a quarter of my day trapped in this hell hole, when I could be exercising, or doing something useful. This is the reason so many children are obese, we spend most of our time forced to sit on our fat arses, undergoing compulsory mental torture, disguised as education. Why do we not get a choice? Why should I stay here, getting fatter and fa-_**  
**  
"Betsie, are you there? I swear you spend more time daydreaming than you do being fully conscious." Lauren poked her, interrupting her thoughts.  
"Yeh, sorry, I just dozed off" she laughed nervously.  
"You look absolutely terrified, it's only a mock exam, and it doesn't actually count for anything."  
"I know, but I really just don't feel ready, I can't concentrate, at all."  
"I seriously think you're mad sometimes Bets, proper cuckoo."  
"At least if they take me away, they'd take you too." Betsie teased, her voice trailing off as the finished the remark.

_It's happening again, everything's swirling. I can't see anything, it's all gone black. What am I doing? I can't faint, people might suspect something. Everyone's faces have all merged into one big gooey mess, all fat. My legs hurt so much; they can't hold my fat body up. I know it's my fault, I've fasted for 50 hours and I feel so good, but I know exactly what's happening. I can hear Miss Campbell. Her voice is getting more and more distant, all the blobs, they're fading. Everything's disappearing, I can't see, I can't hold my eyes open any longer._

"Betsie? Betsie are you awake? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me?"  
Two luminous blue eyes slowly pierced the colourless, sunken face. As Betsie's eyes opened, she was startled by Miss Campbell and Miss Boston, who were both sat over her, looking extremely concerned. Betsie immediately tried to sit up from the floor, attempting to grab hold of any nearby tables, before collapsing back onto the ground.  
"Betsie it's okay, me and Miss Boston are here with you, you're in our form room, and it's only us here. How are you feeling?"  
"I'm fine, I need to go and do my exam though Miss."  
"It's okay, I'm sure Miss Boston can reschedule it, please don't worry about it."  
"Betsie do you know what just happened?" Miss Boston interrupted. Her concern was obvious, as the normally fierce looking woman, now clung to Betsie's hand, which was nothing more than skin and bone, as if willing her not to slip away.  
"No Miss. I just remember everything swirling, then waking up here, lay on the floor."  
"You fainted outside the main hall, you were about to go in to sit the mock paper, but clearly didn't quite make it inside."  
"You won't ring my mum will you? I feel fine now, and she's really busy with work."  
Nikki and Kim exchanged nervous glances as they realised that the girl who was once so strong and happy, was hiding something from everyone, including herself.  
"We'll make you a deal Bets, as long as you have something to eat and drink, and stay in here for an hour or so, and come to see me later on, I won't ring home."  
"Miss, I'm really full, I had a huge breakfast, can I not just eat at lunch instead?"  
"No, I'm not bargaining with you. You either have some food, and stay here, or I'll ring your mum and she'll come and pick you up? It's completely up to you." Miss Campbell remained firm, she knew exactly what was going on. Betsie's work had never been anything less than perfect, she'd always been hard on herself and had a difficult past, which only Kim and Nikki knew about. They knew only too well what Betsie was going through, and refused to allow it to take her over.  
"Betsie I'm going to get you a cereal bar, have you got any preferences?"  
"Anything that doesn't have nuts, chocolate, or yoghurt in would be great. Thank you Miss."  
"That's fine, I'll be back in a few minutes, Miss Campbell will stay with you."

Nikki left the room, and Kim turned back to face Betsie.  
"What's going on Bets? Is everything okay at home with your mum?"  
"Everything's fine, I'm just a bit stressed, that's probably why I fainted. I'm so sorry for causing all this trouble."  
"You're not causing any trouble at all; we're just worried about you. I know you're fine, you're a brilliant girl, but please just try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I know how tough you are, but it's okay if you're not feeling great, exams take a lot out of anyone."  
"I know, I just really don't want to let my mum down."  
"Betsie, you won't let anyone down, I promise. I understand what you mean, but your mum won't ever be disappointed in you, because we all know that however your exams go, it's the best you can do. And I certainly know from my lessons with you, that you always try your hardest in everything, so my only advice would be to take a break sometimes, you know, go out and have fun!"  
The room filled with silence, as Kim returned to her computer to begin working.

_I can't believe I'm going to have to eat a cereal bar; they're plain disgusting! There's about 6 grams of fat in each one, and those are the low fat ones too. At least I don't have to eat in the canteen with everyone else, and I love this room. I love all the art rooms, they're so peaceful. I wish I could stay in here all day, it feels really safe. _

"Right, here you go."  
Miss Boston placed a cereal bar on the desk in front of her. Betsie stared at it, willing it to disintegrate in front of her, wishing it would melt into the table, or spontaneously combust.  
"Miss, I'm full, honestly. Can't I keep it and have it at break, instead?"  
"I'm sorry Betsie, but I need to put my foot down with you for once. If you don't eat it now, I will ring your mum, and tell her that I am concerned about you."  
"Why are you worried?"  
"I just care about all of my pupils, probably too much to be honest Bets."  
"Miss, I'm absolutely fine. I just had a bit of a wobble, that's all, I just sometimes let myself get run down, I know I shouldn't do, but I won't do again"  
"All I'm asking you to do is eat this cereal bar, then we can forget all about it, okay?"  
"Okay." Betsie sighed, defeated.

_All my hard work, every minute spent exercising, every stomach growl, every no to food, every lie I've told about being full, or already having eaten, all destroyed, by this cereal bar. I can't eat this, it's disgusting, it's pure sugar, it's carbs, it's fat, it's my worst nightmare. But if I don't eat it, then my cover's blown, and I lose control completely, permanently. I will have to eat it, but that doesn't mean that I have to keep it down._

Betsie ate the cereal bar, breaking bits off, nibbling at each crumb, piece by piece, and forcing herself to swallow it. With every bite, the girl inside her head cried. She cried for how difficult this simple task had become. She cried for the girl she used to be. She cried for the girl who hated herself so much, and couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

"There, I've finished it, can I go now?"  
"Not yet, I want to keep an eye on you for a bit. You can go in about 20 minutes. Have you got any work that you want to catch up on?"  
"Yes, but it's in my locker, can I quickly go and get it?"  
"Alright, but then I want you straight back here"  
"Course Miss."

But she didn't go to her locker, in fact, she didn't even have any work to do at all. She just needed that awful thing out of her stomach. Betsie paced to the toilets where she began to reverse the damage that her teachers had caused, she continued to purge until there was nothing more left, bundled into a lifeless heap beside the toilet bowl.


	4. Chapter 4

That morning Betsie's head felt even worse, and it felt as though something was sat on her chest. Nevertheless, she fell out of bed, and plodded to the scales. 98 pounds.  
Still not good enough. The only thing Betsie wanted was that number- 84. 84 pounds, 6 stone, 38 kilos; however she said it, it rolled off the tongue with such beauty that even the thought of seeing that number on the scales gave her butterflies.  
But as far as numbers went, the clock said 9, which meant that yet again, she was already late. Her mum had left hours ago, leaving only a note on the side reminding her to 'have a good day, and remember to have breakfast!' Betsie grabbed a cereal bar, and when halfway down the road, threw it into someone's garden.

When she arrived at the school gates, she saw that Lauren had been waiting for her.  
"Bets, you don't look well again, are you alright?"  
"Yes, I'm fine, just a headache."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes. Now stop fretting over nothing, we're late"

"Girls, why are we late?" Miss Diamond enquired, this was the 4th time in 2 weeks that they'd waltzed into her classroom at least ten minutes after she'd begun.  
"Sorry, I overslept." Betsie confessed.  
"Well buy yourself an alarm clock then. Go and sit down."  
Whilst walking to her desk, Betsie suddenly felt dizzy, like she might faint again. She knew that there was no way that they wouldn't ring home if she collapsed.  
"Miss, can I quickly go to the toilet please?"  
"Betsie you haven't even sat down yet. You should have gone before you came to my lesson."  
"I'm sorry but I really need to go, now."  
"You can wait until break like everybo-"  
Betsie staggered out of the room and into the toilets, locking a cubicle door behind her.

After sitting for 10 minutes, she felt better, so slowly walked back to her lesson. As she approached the door, Miss Diamond walked out.  
"Betsie, since when was it okay to ignore my instructions, and storm out of my class? This isn't like you, what's going on?"  
"Nothing, I'm fine, I'm really sorry. I know I shouldn't have behaved like that, I honestly am sorry, Miss."  
"That's okay, I know you are, I just hope that whatever's going on is sorted quickly. I do have to send you to the cooler though. Here's your bag, and this lesson's work."  
"Thanks Miss. I'll bring it to you at lunch."  
"I'll see you later, now off you go."

_Why does this keep happening? It's so embarrassing. I just want to have control, and every time this happens, I lose it completely. I've never been sent to the cooler, ever. I've never put so much as a toe out of line, I can't understand it. I feel so ashamed._

Betsie slowly walked into the cooler, and sat in the seat in the back corner, letting the tears slide down her face. Each one rolled onto her emaciated face and slid off her prominent jaw bone. As Betsie looked up, she noticed the teacher on duty, Miss Campbell.

"Bets, what are you doing here? Are you okay?"  
"Yes I'm fine."  
"What's happened?"  
"I just messed up a bit, it was nothing dramatic or anything."  
"You know that I'll find out what's happened, Betsie. I'm your form tutor, and even if I wasn't, I am the 'Head of Pastoral Care' so I get to know everything, anyway. It's probably better for your sake if you just tell me now Bets."  
"I just snapped and walked out of science."  
"That's not like you, what's made you snap?"

Betsie opened her mouth to answer, but couldn't produce a sound. Tears began splashing down her face, and her whole body shook as she laid her head on the desk.  
Miss Campbell walked over to her and pulled up a chair, placing her hands over Betsie's.

"You don't need to tell me what's wrong, but you do need to know that whatever it is, it can be sorted. There are plenty of people here who can help, and no matter what, we'll stand by you."

_A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews I've had, I appreciate them so much! I was wondering what you all think about the character relationships that I've built up, and if you have any suggestions? I have a few ideas for the future, but I'd love some input from anyone else. Thank you for reading x_


	5. Chapter 5

"Hiya Miss, what did you want to speak to me about?"  
"Hi Bets, come in and sit down. I just wanted to see if you're alright really. You know that because I'm your form tutor, I have to keep checking how your grades are, and check that everyone's coping alright with exams etcetera. And to be honest Betsie, your grades are slipping a little bit. You're a really bright student, and I know that you've got potential to do really well. But after Friday's little outburst, I'm just not really sure what's going on with you at the moment. "

She stared at the ground. Betsie could take everyone else acting disappointed, but not Miss Campbell. She was always so lovely about it, no matter how much of a mistake she had made. But now it wasn't even just Miss Campbell on her case, she had Miss Boston, and Miss Diamond. If only she'd been better at hiding everything. Her face had become more sunken by the week, but all Betsie saw in the mirror, was a fat lump.

"There's nothing wrong, I think I just need to buckle down a bit more."  
"Well, I've also spoken to a couple of your other teachers. And they're worried about you, Bets. You normally try so hard at everything, usually too hard, so I am asking you seriously, what's going on?"  
"Really, there's nothing wrong." She said as she felt the traces of tears calmly rolling down her composed face.  
"You do realise that you're trying to convince me that there's 'nothing wrong', whilst sat there with tears tipping down your face. Whatever it is, I'm here to help. That's my job, and even if it wasn't my job, I'd still care about you. How are things doing at home?"  
"Alright. My mum's been a bit stressed with work, she just wants to give me what she thinks I need."  
"Well, that's probably because you mean a lot to her, after all, you're all she has. How have things been since your Dad left?"  
"It still feels like it's my fault. My mum doesn't talk about it, she pretends that nothing ever happened."  
"It isn't your fault. I know that it must still be difficult for you, being left with the memories. I can ask your mum to come in and we can talk about it toge-"  
"No Miss, please don't. I don't want her in school."  
"Why not?"  
"I like keeping things separate. There are so many things going on in my head that I've sort of put them into different boxes, then when the boxes mix together, they get too full, and everything overflows."  
"I understand what you mean, but have you tried talking to your mum about it?"  
"No. I don't want, or need to either. I am fine by myself."  
"Betsie, a lot of abuse survivors receive counselling, or some sort of therapy, just as a chance to talk through things. Have you ever considered that? It would be confidential, and if you felt uncomfortable with a stranger, you can always have regular sessions with me."  
"Thanks, but I'd rather just forget about it" Betsie lied. She knew that she couldn't hide forever; Miss Campbell only knew half of her story. She had no idea just how it had affected her.  
"Well you're coming on the residential trip this weekend, aren't you? That'd be an ideal chance to get away from everything going on here."  
"I suppose, it should be really good! Do you know what teachers are going yet?"  
"Well, I'm coming, and there'll also be Miss Boston, Mr Clarkson, Miss Diamond, and Miss Mason. What lesson have you got now?"  
"Science, Miss Diamond."  
"You'd best get there now, and I'll send her an email to explain that you've been with me."  
"Thanks Miss."  
As she stood up to leave her vision began to black out. Within a second, everything was black, but she walked towards where she knew the door was and found the handle.  
"Oh and Bets? You know that my door's always open, even if it's not literally."  
"Yeh, thanks Miss."

Betsie paced down the corridor and when round the corner, still unable to see clearly, she sat down by the stairs and cried.

_Her trademark line, 'My door's always open', reserved only for the most hopeless members of Waterloo Road. I really don't know when everything got so difficult. __Why do I keep having to lie and cover this whole thing up. I don't have a problem. There's nothing even wrong with me, people just think there is because I keep snapping. I'm just tired, of getting nowhere. Right now, all I want it to weigh 6 and a half stone. But still, I've got everyone on my back, for no reason._

After finally regaining her composure, Betsie slowly dragged herself to Miss Diamond's classroom. On the door, she had pinned a notice for a room change, to a computer room on the second floor of the other side of school. By the time Bets had reached her class, she once again felt weak and out of breath, like a goldfish out of water.

"Glad to see you could finally join us Betsie!"  
"Yeh, erm, Miss Campbell, she, emailed you. I've, been, with her." Betsie struggled to catch her breath whilst talking, so she sat in the only available seat, a computer next to Miss' desk.  
"That's fine, I've already read it. Are you okay? You seem really out of breath, Betsie."  
"I'm fine" Betsie panted, colour once again draining from her face.  
"Just come and sit outside with me for a minute, we can get some fresh air."  
Betsie followed Sian out of the room, closing the door behind her before sliding down the wall, and crumpling in a heap.  
"Take some nice deep breaths for me, really try to fill up your lungs."

Sian sat beside Betsie until she had got her breath back, without saying a word. The teacher knew that something was wrong, but also knew when it was the right time to ask; this was most definitely not.

**A/N:** I know these chapters seem a bit pointless, but I need to set a few things up, before we get into the exciting parts. Thank you for all of the lovely reviews I've received, I'm definitely taking all of them into account! If anyone has any suggestions for the residential weekend, then fire away; I'd love it so much if everyone had their own little mark in my story!  
Let me know what you think about the relationships between Betsie and her teachers, and if you want any other characters (preferably pupils) involved. Thank you for reading! x


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